My husband has a shoe fetish and Im fine with that. But lately there has been a lot of secret activity going on. A few months back I thought I caught him masturbating with shoes and never said anything. A few weeks ago I did catch him. With a pair of heels that werent mine. I didnt realize this until today. So today I went to find the pair of heels he used and I find out that the shoes arent in my size, and that they are VERy worn. So I callled my husband to ask him about it. He told me he took them outside and rubbed them on the concrete, I really doubt that seeing that its the type of wear from actually wearing them. He gave me a few lame excuses. I work for 4 hours at night and we have a 2 year old son so I dont think he is cheating on me. My thought is that these are old heels from a previous relationship. Thats that thought that really kills me. I already feel he doesnt feel so sexually attrated to me and its just the heels that Im wearing. He always comments on my legs and butt but most of the time whe Im wearing heels or whe I can tell thats what hes thiking about when commenting it to me.I feel awful and I dont want to have sex becuase I feel like hes only thinking and concentrating on that and not me. When ever I say that he gets pissed and offensive (almost like he feels bad) saying no. Sometimes when He cant keep it hard to I feel like its because he doesnt have view of or loses concentration on "whats most important" I dont know how to bring this up without a fight and it always comes back to me feeling this way. He always says I wish you knew what it was like to havea fettish. Like I said im ok with it but its hard to make love when all I can think about is him thinking about his heels and not me. I dont care that he was masterbating I just want him to be thinkig about me and not the heels. Any advice is welcome, I dont know where else to post somethig like this.
RESPONSE from the WWW page (not ours); Sometimes it can be very difficult to have a fetish and your partner is merely 'fine' with it. It seems like you are actually bothered by this and the fact that sex has become distressful is proof of it I think. A lot of men have obsessions with breasts but since it's more common women may not complain about men staring at them when having sex.
Bottom line, even if your man did agree to chill on the shoe thing his fetish for it will not go away, he'll just keep it more hidden from you than he already is. A lot of fetishes require another person to fulfill, but with his it doesn't. Sex is hugely important in relationships so when couples don't see eye to eye I can see why there would be fights.
I've had bf's that had fetishes that I wasn't into and vice versa, I have refused to engage them and have had my fetish refused as well. It's up to the both of you to ultimately decide whats more important, the fetish or the relationship.
RESPONSE from the WWW page (not ours); I have posted a whole section on this subject key word on this site -- shoe fetish boot fetish -- take a look. I have done research on this topic for many years and have posted a lot of accumulated knowledge that can be found by Googling shoefetish-bootfetish .. The key problem was that your partner didn't feel he could approach you and discuss his fetish. You both were not open and receptive and he was afraid. My first love found out over time and it cost my relationship because she was not open minded. Later i discussed my passion earlier and found some didn't like it but that mostly women didn't mind as long as I remembered sex and later love was about them first, not second. It is amazing how everything works out when you focus on your partner first. If it can't handle it, before you go too far move on. If you are with someone you love you would benefit by taking the time to understand the fetish.
You can get past this very easily by talking openly and take your time he is ashamed of his fetish because our society has spent forever attacking people with a fetish. In my view it is much less of a problem than you think it is if you can only get it "out of the closet" ... If you are open minded you will be able to see this is less of a threat than you at first appear to think it is.
I agree he didn't scrape the shoes to make them look used; he bought them used probably at a thrift store. Most shoe fetishists are not brave enough to walk up in a garage sale and buy shoes from someone but they can handle a thrift store, or EBAY.
I have had collections for years, perhaps thousands over the years, I buy some new used shoes and as i can afford better ones dump the old ones. Yes, we do the shoes. OK now here is the big question, would you rather he self-plays with a shoe or with another woman? If you are open minded enough to bring the fetish to light and set limits on what you will or won't do you can turn this into a sexual enhancer and not a detractor. If you are not getting sex 2-3 times a week and want it set limits, the rules of play and put on that very expensive pair of Black Leather knee high Jimmy Choo high heeled boots and your partner will never want to even consider straying. Participate in what he buys, set your limits and you will know everything that is going on in the open. My partner does and has for years.
One more thing he needs to understand and implement the GOLDEN RULE of SEX; Her before me, always, NEVER me first no mater how excited, NEVER him first, even if she wants to do you with shoes because she loves you, let me repeat NEVER, going together is always fine. Your partner will learn, as will you, that you will both win if he lives up to this simple love rule. If he can follow this rule, than you must get over it and let him get excited by the shoes on you as long as he does you as a result. Clearly if you can learn to play into the shoe fetish you will both win big with a more exciting sex life. You both will have something to look forward to, new shoes new role play, more fun. We shopped together and bought the Jimmy Choo boots and every time we do I get so excited my partner has gotten the best sex and oral sex in her life because. I get so excited seeing her wear sexy boots to bed even getting older it is a triple header. Folks even Jenna Jameson loves wearing shoes to bed, if you don’t believe me go on Twitter and ask her, she will explain the power of a pair of sexy shoes to you.
RESPONSE; Hi. It is understandable that you find his new interest in another woman's shoes distressing. I also have a husband with a foot/shoe fetish and one of our boundaries is that he only use my shoes for his little private time. The scent for him is important as he sees them as a surrogate and maybe non-judgemental partner. I've always been rather gentle with him in this area and have reassured him that I love him to pieces but he still finds contact with people exhausting. My husband has mild to moderate autism/aspergers and therefore can desire alone time a lot when he is stressed. He is lovely in lots of other ways though for example he does lots of nice little things for me. He is tidy, a non-drinker, reliable worker, loving in lots of practical and romantic ways like running me a bath and eager to take his share of the chores.
His fetish is one of these things that I accept about him as he already carries a lot of burdens. He has a very acute conscience, for example, and will feel guilty about things that wouldn't register with most men. I regularly "punish" him with his fetish by maternally scolding him or spanking him with one of my slippers playfully/sensually. Certainly, with him, his fetish has very innocent/childlike overtones and I can relate to that side of it. I am quite childlike too and like to be swatted on my bum during or even prior to lovemaking.
I guess I'm trying to say if your relationship is solid in other ways perhaps just giving him the boundary of only using your shoes so that it is your scent and pheremones he is becoming aroused to. Men tend to think differently to us and therefore a boob guy could easily just be marrying you for your boobs rather than your mind. A foot fetishist tends to be more emotionally aware and have a willingness to be vulnerable. I think we all (both male and female) have an inner child that needs to be expressed from time to time and finding a guy that can be comfortable with that can be hard to find. I hope this helps and finds you well. xx
RESPONSE; An important thing to understand is that a fetish is not necessarily a substitute for a sexual relationship with another person. I have several fetishes that I engage in nearly every day, but they don't have a negative impact on my relationship with my wife, who knows about them. In fact, my panty fetish, which I hid from my wife for more than 40 years, has actually improved our relationship. When I told her that I sometimes masturbated with her panties, she only asked me to wash them before returning them to her drawer. Later, I told her that I wanted to wear panties full time, and she went shopping with me for panties of my own to wear. When I told her that I wanted to wear panties when we had dates, she readily agreed, which had the happy result of her being more willing to play with my anus since the panties presented a barrier to keep her fingers from getting stinky. Lately, she's used her vibrator "down there" to help me reach orgasm.
Fetishes just don't go away. They don't. We fetishists are stuck with them. But the fetishist has to be able to come out of his fetish closet all the way, and his partner has to somehow accommodate the fetish. Otherwise, there can be no relationship, at least not a good one.
